Couples Therapy
It begins with the family, and later comes round to the soul. - Leonard Cohen
Michael’s style with couples is to be very interactive. He will ask questions and intervene when the couple is stuck.
Multigenerational Family Systems
Michael's Approach
When a couple enters psychotherapy, Michael will be interested in three things:
The presenting problem(s)
What brings you here now? Was there a precipitating event or is coming here something that you have been considering for a long time? What is the pressing issue that has brought you here? Why now? We will be working on patterns. Is there a specific dynamic or incident that may be part of a larger, longstanding pattern?
How the couple interacts with each other in the session.
How do they communicate with each other? What is their body language?
Do they know how to fight to resolve or are they fighting in a way that one wins
and the other loses? If that is the case, they both lose.
Do they interrupt each other. Do they touch? Do they look at each other
when they are in conversation? Do they appear to be emotionally distant?
Can they share feelings as well as thoughts? Can they navigate
differences as they sit together in the session or is that part of the problem?
What can be observed about how they are with each other?
The Multigenerational Family System that each of them come from.
Three or four generations of a multi-generational system from each member of the couple (the fourth being children of the couple if there are any) will provide a very useful picture. Even though there are only two people physically in the room, in some ways both family systems are always present.
Differences
Sooner or later differences emerge in any intimate long term relationship. When they are recognized the choice becomes change or acceptance, the exploration can lead to a deepening of a relationship or a split. Commitment is the ability and willingness to take up anything and everything between two people, in a couple, who meet each other half way most of the time (if someone is ill or going through difficulty which prevents that for awhile the other person can provide space to recover).